What a week! So thankful to still be pregnant. My appointment with high risk went as good as can be expected. I'm holding steady. Things haven't worsened which is a good sign. In fact, we were able to see a small improvement. I'll take anything I can get. The baby's heart is handling all the meds I am on. We will monitor weekly to make sure we discontinue the meds if his ductal flow starts to show signs of narrowing. He gained 1/2 lb in 6 days weighing in at 3lb 7oz. I'm assuming the steroids had something to do with that?
I'm trying to keep a positive attitude and continue to be optimistic. I've been down this road before and know how quickly things can change. Fear can easily take over my thoughts if I allow it. Now that I'm older and a bit more experienced I just run through all the worst case scenarios in my head. With Natalee I just decided I wasn't going to have a 26 weeker and tried to stay distracted. For some reason I wasn't overcome with worry. I was determined to keep her in. Maybe I've become more fearful in general as a mother of two. Everything scares me to death when it comes to my kids. I realize how precious and fragile life can be. I know to trust that God has a plan for this baby boy and worrying all the time won't benefit any of us but I still struggle.
The girls have realized something has changed with Mommy. They are curious why I'm sitting down so much. They both continue to ask me if I'm sick. I can reassure Rylee but Natalee isn't buying it. She broke down on the way to school this week and said" Mommy, I'm just so worried about you and baby brother." Literally broke my heart. She has such a kind and gentle spirit. She is very intuitive and I think she has seen the fear in my eyes. We are trying to keep things as normal as possible around here with the help of grandparents and our sweet friends. At this point in my pregnancy with Natalee I had already been on strict bed rest for 7 weeks. I remind myself that we are in a much better situation this go around. Although I have to take it easy I'm by no means on total bed rest.
I wanted to add a couple funny things the girls have started doing this week...
Rylee - has started talking about policemen but she calls them colicman. Cutest thing ever.
- she has started pulling out my makeup and standing in front of the mirror pretending to do
makeup tutorials. I guess I should regulate the youtube.
- constantly kisses my tummy and talks to "baby brudder"
Natalee - she has become very independent. She asked if her and Ry could talk a little before they
went to sleep tonight. I said sure and sat on the bed... she looks at me and says," Mom, can
please get out of our room?!!" I was shocked. And so it begins. Not ready for this.
- she always tells me after I tuck her in and say prayers that she is going to protect me and
baby brother. She says she won't let anything happen to us. So sweet! I have to remind her
that's not her job and she needs to worry about being a kid and playing. I tell her she can
watch out for her little sister and brother. She has such a big heart!
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