35 Weeks

 35 Weeks 

Happy little guy

Well... we are still pregnant! I can't get over this little guy's happy face. The ultrasound tech said she hasn't ever seen an ultrasound where the baby look like he is smiling. I hope he is this happy when he comes out. 

I got taken off all my meds last weekend. I have a shot of progesterone today and my last one a week from today. Only two left! I couldn't be more excited to put those behind me. My body held out over the last few weeks and avoided major preterm labor. Now that I've gone off the meds my body has started to progress toward labor again. I'm so thankful that I made it past the scary phase and am borderline in the safe zone. I just need to hold out a couple more weeks in order to ensure no NICU time. I really want to be able to take Cullen home with me from the hospital. I was 1cm dilated and more than 50% effaced on Friday. It's so hard to determine when active labor will begin based off of this info. Some women stay like this for weeks and some can go within days. You just never know. 

We are almost ready for his arrival! Bags are packed, girls hospital goody bags are ready and his room is finally complete. I just need to install the carseat. Natalee has to move to the 3rd row of our car for this to happen and I just haven't been ready to ship her back there just yet. I feel like Natalee has had to make the most adjustments with our family growing. She gave up her room to share with Rylee so he could have his own nursery. She has to move to the back of the car, ect. She is such a trooper and we have tried to make these changes as positive and fun as possible. I'm sure I'm putting way too much worry into the entire thing. She is becoming so independent and doesn't need me as much. I'm having a hard time accepting this and I know having a baby is going to force her to help out and continue her independence even more. 

Can't wait to meet our prince... in a couple weeks!

One week later and we're still pregnant

What a week! So thankful to still be pregnant. My appointment with high risk went as good as can be expected. I'm holding steady. Things haven't worsened which is a good sign. In fact, we were able to see a small improvement. I'll take anything I can get. The baby's heart is handling all the meds I am on. We will monitor weekly to make sure we discontinue the meds if his ductal flow starts to show signs of narrowing. He gained 1/2 lb in 6 days weighing in at 3lb 7oz. I'm assuming the steroids had something to do with that?

I'm trying to keep a positive attitude and continue to be optimistic. I've been down this road before and know how quickly things can change. Fear can easily take over my thoughts if I allow it. Now that I'm older and a bit more experienced I just run through all the worst case scenarios in my head. With Natalee I just decided I wasn't going to have a 26 weeker and tried to stay distracted. For some reason I wasn't overcome with worry. I was determined to keep her in. Maybe I've become more fearful in general as a mother of two. Everything scares me to death when it comes to my kids. I realize how precious and fragile life can be. I know to trust that God has a plan for this baby boy and worrying all the time won't benefit any of us but I still struggle.

The girls have realized something has changed with Mommy. They are curious why I'm sitting down so much. They both continue to ask me if I'm sick. I can reassure Rylee but Natalee isn't buying it. She broke down on the way to school this week and said" Mommy, I'm just so worried about you and baby brother." Literally broke my heart. She has such a kind and gentle spirit. She is very intuitive and I think she has seen the fear in my eyes. We are trying to keep things as normal as possible around here with the help of grandparents and our sweet friends. At this point in my pregnancy with Natalee I had already been on strict bed rest for 7 weeks. I remind myself that we are in a much better situation this go around. Although I have to take it easy I'm by no means on total bed rest.

I wanted to add a couple funny things the girls have started doing this week...

Rylee - has started talking about policemen but she calls them colicman. Cutest thing ever.
           - she has started pulling out my makeup and standing in front of the mirror pretending to do
             makeup tutorials. I guess I should regulate the youtube.
           - constantly kisses my tummy and talks to "baby brudder"

Natalee - she has become very independent. She asked if her and Ry could talk a little before they
                went to sleep tonight. I said sure and sat on the bed... she looks at me and says," Mom, can
                please get out of our room?!!" I was shocked. And so it begins. Not ready for this.
              - she always tells me after I tuck her in and say prayers that she is going to protect me and
                baby brother. She says she won't let anything happen to us. So sweet! I have to remind her
                that's not her job and she needs to worry about being a kid and playing. I tell her she can
                watch out for her little sister and brother. She has such a big heart!

Here We Go Again...

Obviously I am not a great blogger. I've come to realize that I use this as a keepsake for our family during milestones and not as much to keep others informed. Lets be honest... there can't be many people other than out of town family that care to know the small details of our everyday life!

After reading through my first blog entries back in 2009 I've decided this is more of a pregnancy journal than anything else. I am so so so thankful that I documented my previous pregnancies so well. It has been a great avenue for me to revisit those little details I can't remember after two kids.

A lot has changed since my last post in May... we are pregnant with #3. We are due around the end of March with our little prince. We couldn't be more excited... and scared at this point. When I was pregnant with Rylee Trey and I made a deal. He has always wanted a big family and I told him if my pregnancy with Rylee went better than Natalee I would consider a third down the road. Other than progesterone injections and a few hiccups Rylee's pregnancy was a breeze. Even her delivery was text book. Our "down the road" happened this summer when we decided to try for a third. I felt confident that our next pregnancy would replicate Rylee. We knew I would be monitored closely and I would take weekly progesterone injections to prevent preterm labor. We felt like we knew what we were signing up for. We found out we were expecting right around Natalee's 5th Birthday! We were elated.

Fast forward to now... I'm heading into my 30th week. All has been going well up until this point. I wasn't put on restricted activity, bed rest, nothing! It has been amazing... too amazing. I have had a bad feeling, premonition, whatever you want to call it lately. I have just felt off. We had a doctors appointment scheduled for Tuesday morning and I was up all night Monday with nightmares. My thoughts were so vivid that I dreamt my cervical length had shortened down to 17mm. We went into our ultrasound with Rylee in tow Tuesday morning. I have gotten to know our sonographer over the past few pregnancies and I could tell something was off. She was very quiet. I told her about my nightmare and she asked what length I dreamt. When I asked her what my cervical length was she hesitated to say 19mm. I was shocked. It wasn't only short but it was beginning to funnel. The funneling is the most alarming in my opinion. I tried to keep it together since I had Rylee with me but I knew things were about to change.

After sitting in the office for over an hour Dr. Johnson came in, looked at Rylee and asked who could come get her. She said with certainty I was getting admitted to labor and delivery. My first reaction... tears! I begged to go straight to Dr. Hennessy to be evaluated. That was my last hope in avoiding a lengthy hospital stay. After getting admitted so many times with Natalee I knew once they got you in there it was hard to be released. Something would always go wrong right when I was ready to go home. Long story short she agreed for me to go to HROC for further eval.

After two hours on the monitors Dr. Hennessy decided to go ahead with steroid injections to speed up the baby's lung development. He also gave me the dreaded 600mg motrin every 6hrs. He decided to let me go home but to come back if anything got worse. We were waiting on the results of the fetal fibronectin test which determines the likelihood of labor within the next 2 weeks. If this comes back negative it is a small sigh of relief. I went home and waited for the phone call from my ob. 24 hours later Dr. Johnson calls with an inconclusive test result. In all her years of medicine she said that has never happened. Go figure... that would be me. She strongly urged me to go to triage right away. I was still contracting and with such a small margin of error she didn't want me to take the risk. So off we went to triage for the night. My doctor came up and immediately gave me a terbutaline injections to stop the contractions. At this point I had received 6 injections in a 24 hour period. I was a mess. I never had to get terbutaline with Natalee but I had heard how horrible it was. Let's just say it wasn't fun and it made me feel crazy! After a long night I was sent home on "modified" bed rest. I feel like a ticking time bomb at the moment. I go back to the perinatologist on Monday to check progress and conduct another fFN exam. We will also be monitoring the baby's heart to make sure he is handling the motrin. If his heart valve starts to narrow we will have to discontinue the medicine and find an alternative route.

So that's where we are as of today. I have been a basket of emotions. This was totally out of left field. Everything was going perfect. I'm not sure if I'm more scared this time because I'm older and know more? I also have the responsibility of two little girls and I hate not being there for them the way they are used to me being. Obviously kids are resilient and keeping this baby in is #1 priority. I think moms in general put so much pressure on themselves to be everything for everyone and when a ball drops it feels devastating. I am hopeful this pregnancy plays out like Natalee's. I keep reminding myself to take deep breaths and take it one day at a time. I know so many parents have gone through difficult times and I have a hard time documenting our struggles knowing so many people who are going through or have gone through far worse. This is just our family story and something I want to recall years down the road. Lord knows if I don't write it down today I'll forget it tomorrow. It's amazing to see what God brought us through with Natalee. I love that it was documented as a reminder. I have looked back over each week with her and felt encouraged during this pregnancy. It's funny how things work sometimes.

 Here's a look at our little man

 I already see Natalee in him. I can't wait to meet the little guy... in at least 6 weeks! 

 A site I'm all to familiar with 

When I got pregnant this is not what I had in mind :) Anything to keep this baby cooking. My bathroom is a pharmacy! 

Rylee says... Natalee says...

The things they say this month...

Natalee...

Instead of hand stand she says, " I want to do a hand back stand."

Favorite items... blanket and lovie

She continues to carry around way too much. This girl is carrying at least two bags at all times.

Natalee is in the question phase. She has to know exactly why I am doing what I'm doing at every moment of the day. She is a sponge right now constantly wanting to feed her curiosity.

Rylee...

Blanket- This week it went from lampie to lanket now it's lankie.

She was so excited to see Lolli dance in her recital. She keeps asking if she can do "lallat" and " wur ah bun"

May

Closing out May

We have had a busy couple weeks! The girls finished up school this month. We were all sad to say goodbye to our new friends and teachers. I'm going to have my hands full keeping these active girls occupied/entertained this summer. Mothers day out was a blessing for all of us.

 They have grown so much this year

Natalee with her teachers, Ms.Julia and Ms. Kara

Rylee and her best pal Lucy (aka Loopy)

Ry saying goodbye to Ms. Kristi (aka Ms. Pippi)

After wrapping up school we had to get ready for Natalee's dance recital. It's amazing to me how serious these studios take a 4 year old's recital. You would think we were in preparation for the NYC ballet! Needless to say this Momma put a smile on her face and did everything the studio expected (including waiting in line at 7 am for 3 hrs to buy tickets for the recital at $21 per ticket...insert sarcasm). Some days I wish she would have liked soccer, haha. In all seriousness I am elated that I get to share these memories with her! I can remember my dance recitals like it was yesterday. 

As I sat in the audience in anticipation for the crocodiles to run on stage I had a nervous feeling come over me. For the first time I was nervous for my little dancer. They finally ran on stage and I scanned through to find my little crocodile. Watching my little angel on that big stage was such a special experience. I was overwhelmed with emotions. I was so proud of my little girl. She got on a huge stage in front of a massive audience and danced her little heart out like she had been doing it every day. I am trying my best to savor these moments. I know they are only little once and I don't want to miss anything. I often remind myself of this when I feel like I'm on the verge of insanity after a long day ;)

  

Dance buddies

Proud little sisters 

Natalee and the lil sis fan club

The girls were over pictures. This was as good as it gets

We wrapped this month up with a weekend of playing outside. 

Now we're off to the beach! Happy SUMMER!!!

GRADUATION DAY

Natalee officially graduated from her Pre-K/Mother's Day Out program this week. We have been so blessed to have had such a wonderful year. She absolutely adores her teachers and all the wonderful friends she has made. Natalee is such a sensitive soul. She has not been herself since the graduation ceremony. I finally sat her down and asked her what was going on. She told me, " I'm going to miss all my friends. I don't like that I won't get to see my teachers every week." This is when the true water works began. I explained this just meant she got to spend more time with Rylee and I over the summer.  That thought didn't calm her down... it may have made her more upset ;)

We have decided to hold her back from Kindergarden next year. I went back and forth but truly feel another year under her belt before we throw her into a strict schedule will only help her developmentally in the long run.  She is going to attend a five day pre-k program from 9-2 Monday through Thursday and 9-12 on Fridays. The program is amazing! They really work on mastering all the skills necessary for Kindergarten. Rylee will go Monday and Wednesday from 9-2. This allows for a much needed Momma break on those days! 

It's funny what defines "break" these days! A break for this full time Mom means cleaning alone and uninterrupted. It means running errands without the fear of meltdown and grocery shopping slowly. Our normal shopping experience looks a lot like the old show supermarket sweep. I don't know why I watched that game show as a kid but some days I feel like I'm living it. Of course I love spending every moment with my little ones but some days my brain needs a break.  I try to squeeze as much as I can into the 10 hours a week they are both in school. 

It is getting HOT here and we are ready for SUMMER! 

 Proud lil sis

 I'm so thankful they have each other

Our new friends and best buds

Rylee's Words...

Wanted to make sure I documented Rylee's "words"

Favorite word right now at 2 and 1/2 " My boody" as she stick her bee hind out.

Her blanket = Lampie

Natalee = Lollie

Prayers = Purs

Liploss (of course that is in my kids vocab) = lip bock

Mandy and Kristy (her teachers at school) = Manie and Pippy :)

Maddy (our dog) = Mannie

Don't do that = Don do dat

Breakfast = bebast

I love you = I la u